Nursing

As we were going through our challenges with infertility I knew that the one thing I would miss most, if I couldn't have my own children, was the opportunity to nurse our babies.  Funny, I know.  I looked forward to that time I would spend with our babies rocking and nursing them and really bonding with them.   To me, it is one of the most beautiful attributes of womanhood.

But no one ever told me how hard it is to nurse!  And those who have also struggled aren't very vocal about it when they should be.  It seems that we all have war stories and it's time to share them.

In the hospital I had a difficult time getting Benjamin to latch on.  When we finally connected, he would keep nursing and nursing and always seemed so hungry.  Before the first day was over I was already frustrated with breastfeeding.  I thought it would be so instinctive and simple and it wasn't at all for either myself or my baby.

The first few days at home were the worst.  Dave kept us supplied with ready-made formula bottles while I waited for my milk to come in.  Meanwhile, I was in tears most of those days because [I was an emotional, hormonal wreck] my baby wasn't getting his nourishment from me and I felt like such a failure at motherhood. 

Around day six I thought the milk supply was here but after pumping for nearly an hour we realized it was only a trickle.  I called my doctor who prescribed a lactation medication but he warned it would make me drowsy.  It not only made me tired it made me have crazy thoughts.  I stopped taking it after one day.

We then learned about Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle herbal supplements (highly recommended by lactation specialists).  These actually worked and within a few days I was producing much more milk.  But by then Benjamin was attached to his formula.  Once again, I was in tears.  That dream of rocking and nursing my baby was more or less shattered, but I wouldn't give up yet.  I told myself that I had to keep trying to nurse until he was six weeks old.  After that, I could give it up all together and I couldn't feel guilty about it any longer.  Even formula-fed babies turn out just fine and can grow up to be president of the United States.

In the midst of all this drama, I shared my story with several other ladies in the ward.  Just about every one of them had a similar saga to tell about trying to nurse their first babies.  I was grateful to find out I am not alone but I wish I would have known their stories before I had to live my own.

So, this post is for all of you first-time moms.  Some of you won't have any troubles nursing your babies; right out of the womb you'll both be old pros.  However, others of you will struggle like myself.  Dry those tears and remember that you're not alone and you're not a failure!  Find a friend who can sympathize and get yourself some blessed thistle.  It will all be okay!

Benjamin is older than six weeks now and I'm still nursing and supplementing.  He seems to think that I am his appetizer and the bottle is the main course.  I'm grateful we can still have our bonding time and it really is great that Dave gets to help and bond with the baby over a bottle.