Superstitious

Many years ago, way back when I started college, I became superstitious about the way I lived the gospel. It was purely for selfish reasons. You see, I really needed divine intervention to make it through my undergraduate years and I figured that the Lord would help me and bless me if I did my part and kept all the commandments.

So, I faithfully said my prayers, morning and night. I read from the Book of Mormon every single day and often other church books as well. I attended institute regularly and eventually graduated. I went to church each Sunday and partook of the sacrament to renew my covenants with the Lord. I paid my tithing, increased my fast offerings, and learned how to purposefully fast with faith. I listened to and often reread the words of our living prophets as they addressed us at conferences and firesides. I served faithfully in my church callings. When the timing was just right, I served a mission where I devoted even more attention to being obedient just so that I could see the fruits of my labors and be the one to teach those great people of Louisiana the gospel. Once I received my temple endowment I regularly attended the temple to perform sacred ordinances there. And I strived to keep each and every commandment the Lord has given us.

After doing all this through four years of undergraduate studies, a mission, and a year of certification, my superstition was firmly in place. I had convinced myself that desired blessings only came through my obedience to the gospel. So, though my schooling has been complete for many years, I have continued to do these things knowing that eventually the Lord would grant me the blessings I most desired. I’m not going to sugar-coat the picture and tell you that life was easier and the blessings came more frequently. Remember, everything happens in the Lord’s time. However, I always knew my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ loved me and I had the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost to direct my path through this life.

Last night I was reflecting on all of this through the midst of a small personal crisis. I came to understand that the gospel seed has been planted deep in my heart. Because of my superstitious actions, brought on by my own selfish desires to receive blessings that I knew would only come through obedience to the commandments, this seed was nourished every day in very good ways. Without me even realizing it, the seed took root and grew and thrived to where it is now a strong, beautiful tree bearing fruit “which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure” (Alma 32:42).

I am grateful for the habits of gospel study and obedience to the commandments that I have formed and for the blessings which have truly come into my life. Most of all, I am grateful that the gospel has so strongly influenced the woman that I have become and I pray that I never overcome this superstition but keep it throughout my life so that I will always be worthy of the blessings the Lord has in store for me.